Twelve Years On and still counting…

12.jpgToday marks yet another “anniversary date” since I got to know my HIV Status. Why the laughter emoticon you ask? It sounds awkward having an anniversary for such kind of a situation. It is twelve years people,twelve! On a date like today, my life forever changed. It became no longer “business as usual” in as far as my health was and is concerned. I can write so much about how this last twelve years of living with HIV have been for me.

But for now, the single most important thing I’m grateful for is, I am “alive” to keep telling my story twelve years down the line. I have seen people die in the recent past due to HIV related complications. Simply because they refused to take medicine. Others just refused to accept that the situation is what it is. This saw them go to the grave early. Hence the reason why am grateful for life.

I could have been a ‘statistic’ of people who died of HIV or AIDS. Thankfully, I am not. 🙂

I will never tire to tell the world that ARVs work.

Cheers 🍷 to twelve years of positive living. 😊

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I know y’all not taken!

💘 I need me a bae. My weekends are so long and boring. I know y’all not taken. Well, that’s the “lonely” me speaking. I believe love is the ANTIDOTE for loneliness. Click here  to understand what am saying. 😉

Ps: I promise not to blog about us.

Yours truly

Jamal C.

 

Ifikie Rais Uhuru Kenyatta!

kenyatta.jpgA few days ago, our beloved President Uhuru was in London for the celebration of the “Seventieth Year of The Commonwealth”, whereby Kenya has been a member for a long time. Well, if you are wondering what this “The Common Wealth” is just like I did, it is a convergent of former British colonies organized  into an association of some sort or “Chama”  😀 whose objective is and I quote …  “We are committed to democracy, good governance, human rights, gender equality, and a more equitable sharing of the benefits of globalization”.  So basically,that is why we had several heads of African states among others gather together in the United Kingdom not only to meet and greet “Her Majesty The Queen”👑  but also to have multilateral  talks on the shared ” vision and mission” of the organization with their former “colonial master”.  As such several statements and declarations were made such as the blue charter,cyber declaration and a host of others. For more details feel free to visit their website and see what it is “The Common Wealth” does at http://www.thecommonwealth.org. Actually it is quite a resourceful site and as they say we learn something new everyday,I just did. 🙂

But that is far from what this piece is all  about. Rather it is what happened on the sidelines of this “The Commonwealth” Celebrations. One of  the things that you will never miss out on such high powered government delegations is “the media”. As such, Uhunye as we call him back here at home,had a a chance to be interviewed by one of the most world’s renown journalist Christiane Amanpour of the unrivaled media giant CNN. I am a news person. In another life I might end up being a journalist now that in this my lifetime this seems to be nothing but a “far fetched dream”. 😀 Anyway,such is life whereby “not all dreams are really valid”.  Prior to the interview being aired on our local television channels that day, it had been given “much hype” by the Presidential Media Team on Social Media. That is how I got wind of it and waited in anticipation to hear what the president had to say on various issues. Particularly, last year’s hotly contentious elections which almost seemed to threaten our coexistence as Kenyans and temporarily paralyzed the economy. The ethnic tension and animosity was palpable especially between  Okuyus and Jang’os and to an extent those who were on and for the opposition side . During that time last year,I really prayed literally to God that we would not end up going the road we had been on before about almost the same time for the same reason a decade ago. And in deed it came up as a matter of discussion. One of the things I love about Uhuru, is that he is a good communicator. He comes off as a good orator,firm, very articulate and eloquent when it comes to expressing himself.

However, it is the response to the “LGBT rights” questions that has had me unsettled. In the past, Uhunye when probed about the same is on record saying it is a “non-issue”. A position he again retaliated  when on set with Christiane. One of the many  statements I’ve heard after this interview is that, “it is the politically correct statement he could have made” given the circumstances. Hold on a moment though,he also said he had a “personal opinion” about the same and would be free to discuss it once he is out of office. I am as curious as everyone else to know what your “personal opinion” is Mr.President when that time comes. 🙂

So why am I unsettled about this?

Let us begin with what are LGBT rights for you to understand why this did not sit in well with me. In brief, these are fundamental basic human rights for people who identify under a different gender or sexual orientation whose goal is to protect and preserve their dignity and freedom.

Therefore,for my president to say that my “human rights” are a “non issue” on such a global media platform is underwhelming to say the least. Either he is not acquainted with the challenges that LGBT people are facing here in Kenya or he is simply giving a “blind eye” to the whole subject matter. It is true there are far more important “issues” to address that beleaguer this country,but to trivialize “LGBT rights” is simply put,sad. 😥  This is because LGBT issues affect all of us whether rich or poor, employed or unemployed, young or old, big or small. We have LGBT people all around us i.e in the market place,in government organizations, in the private sector, in schools,in churches and I would not be surprised to find a few at the “State House”.  😀 They are: the matatu drivers and conductors,the bank managers,the university lecturers,the reverends,the bodaboda riders,the hawkers,the government officials,politicians,lawyers,engineers ,economists, musicians ,businessmen and women,entrepreneurs, the doctors and nurses, authors,activists,  acclaimed journalists, and the list goes on and on and on.Of course all of these people …. “wako chini ya maji“.

The question then is, how do the LGBT rights affect a Country like Kenya?

Mr.President, you may or not may be aware that out of the forty nine million Kenyans whom you are the leader, unconfirmed research reports approximately estimates  five million are said to be lesbians,gay,bisexual and transgender. In the city of Nairobi alone,it is estimated that there are about half a million LGBT citizens. Ponder that for a minute. But owing to the repressive laws and given that it is a taboo subject that we have refused to have a conversation around as a nation,in our schools,in our churches,in our homes the reports and research cannot be quantified. So how does that affect the well being of this Country? According to research, people who are not “free to be who they are” do not give or exploit their potential fully. They hold back from showcasing their talents and gifts for fear of isolation, discrimination, harassment,abuse among other human rights violations. In turn this affects their out put.

Sir,allow me submit to you that most of the LGBT citizens in Kenya are the youth who form a greater portion of the population. A group that you are so passionate about in helping them overcome challenges such as unemployment.  What happens when their “human rights” are violated,they refuse to engage in meaningful sources of generating income. For instance,very few men are into the world of beauty and cosmetology for fear of being labelled as “gay”. As we all know,beauty is a huge industry raking in billions of shillings world wide.  Ask those who are in this industry the odds they have had to surmount to at least be able to fed for their families. Why do we have fewer women matatu drivers? The prejudice towards such kind of jobs especially for women makes them shy away. It takes courage for a woman to stand up and ride a matatu or bus especially in this City without attracting unnecessary attention. I am yet to see a young woman who is a carpenter? You know what they are told if they venture into such trade, “……hizo ni biz za wasee. Hio sio story za madame“. The same goes for men who do women’s hair in salons, “…….. I think huyo chali ni shoga“.

If it is matters health, we have more and more people contracting HIV and STIs. It is not necessarily that these diseases and sicknesses have to come from the opposite sex, but there is a rise in cases of more Kenyan women and men sleeping around with people of the same sex without using protection. Hence we are in a vicious cycle of sexually transmitted infections and reinfections that is killing people quietly. What that means is, we have a sick nation. A sick nation is a poor nation.

If it is matters corruption,one of the unnecessary evils ailing Kenya,due to denial of fundamental rights for the LGBT people they end up perpetuating this evil. How? If a person is caught engaging in “gay activities” they are more likely to bribe the police as a way out. Stories are their in the public domain in this regard.

I could go on and on about how LGBT issues affect us as Kenyans. I just scratched the surface. But for now,let me leave it there.

“Good health services provision and Employment for the Youth ” are some of the key deliverables that your administration seeks to achieve in this your last remaining term. But how do you achieve that without addressing the issues that affect the people involved who partly also include LGBT citizens.

As such Mr. President, are these  matters “a non-issue“!

A story is told of an ostrich who was feeding in the forest. Suddenly, a fire broke out and all other animals started running helter skelter looking for a place of refuge. The ostrich looked up,saw the fire and smoke,asked the others what was going on. But instead of running he decided to hide his head in the sad with a hope that the fire would not burn her up. Instead she was burned to death.The more ” LGBT Rights” keep being pushed and shoved away as matters of “no importance”, sooner than later we will have no one to blame than ourselves.It is just a matter of time.

Consequently,what was my expectation of my president in respect to that question as posed by Christiane. I appreciate that he is well informed on history, culture and religion and the role they play in shaping opinions,habits and lifestyles of a people. But that does not negate his responsibility as a leader of a fast developing country of protecting and promoting the human rights of an LGBT person. In as much as it is a thorny issue to discuss at such a level and at this time, I honestly think he could have done better as a leader and as person in broaching the subject matter.

Gay rights are human rights and they are  very IMPORTANT.

 

 

 

GOSSIP CORNER: “Street Fungwad!”

20968708_1961238670796258_2179444539759001600_nNairobi City is said to be not for the fainthearted.  You will need some “shock absorbers” of some sort if you are to keep up with life in this City. So many things happening around with each and every passing second. According to research,by day it has a population of four million people and at night three million(the residents and visitors).You have got to be very alert always as you go about your businesses. Otherwise you’ll forever remain “shook”. You cannot afford to be sluggish. Lazma ukae ukiwa rada.La,si hivo utachanuliwa na hapo ndio unajuanga haujui. Nairobi ni ya wajanjare. Kwa hivo hata wewe lazima uwe mjanja otherwise “utajanjarushwa”. 😀 I will tell you for free,I learned the hard way. As a rural urban migrant,I had to learn the ropes very quickly  about a decade ago after becoming a “Nairobi dweller”. I come from one of those laid back upcountry towns where everything is “moss moss”. Hakuna pressure wala haraka ya kufanya mambo. People are never in a rush. Its like there is always plenty of time to do your things. 😀

My hometown of Nyeri  which is about a hundred and sixty kilometres away from the Capital City, is a one street town with Gakere road being the busiest. 😀 People there are reserved and conservative. Everyone is busy minding their own business. I came to the “City in the Sun” on a transfer from my previous workplace. The organization has branches spread out across the country with its headquarters in Nairobi. Hence from time to time we were reshuffled. At that time too I was a student at a local college which like my former workplace is spread out. So I ordinarily transferred to the main branch. I knew what there was to know about being gay in the City. From time to time the local daily would run stories about the same topic. But what happened around that time to date has never left my mind. I was “street fungwad” interpreted to mean “picked up literally in the streets”. 😂😂😂

21041541_867174243459147_6223818116288217088_nI had just come from attending my lessons that Friday evening and was walking lazily down the streets from Emperor Plaza off Koinange Street to board a Umoja estate bound matatu at Commercial bus terminus. That is in downtown Nairobi. Umoja is one of the most popular residential places within the City where most “middle class” rural-urban migrants begin their lives as they get acquainted to living here. 😀  As I approached the junction of Ambassadeur Hotel just before crossing to Tom Mboya Street, a man who was walking in the opposite direction stopped and took a good glance of me.He literally stared smack right in the middle of the street.  He walked past me smiling to himself. I turned to see if he was still looking at me. Our eyes met and I also stopped. “Probably this is someone who knows me”,so I thought to myself. I was a little confused and amused at the same time. He walked over,shook my hand and scratched my palm in a suggestive way.  Then a light bulb went off.The dude was “gay” and cruising around that area. I was well aware that it was a “gay red light zone” having read about it in the newspapers.But it never occurred to me,one day someone would hit on me in the streets.We talked for a few minutes then crossed over to Luthuli avenue and headed to one of the lodgings there. It must have been around a few minutes past nine o’clock in the night.I wasn’t dressed in any provocative way.I was in my formal work place clothes. Neither was I walking in a “gayish way”.  😀 I was so darn tired and was dragging my feet to get home.

I can’t remember the name of the boarding and lodging hotel but once we got inside the room,we stripped and after a couple of minutes of kissing,he wanted to put his medium sized ding-a- ling inside. He seemed to be in such a hurry to get laid.Then I asked him,”do you have condoms?” To which he replied, ” let me go get some I’ll be back shortly.” He put on his clothes and walked out to get them from the street vendors down stairs so I assumed. You know hao wauzaji peremende na sigara kwa tucorner mwa buildings. Alas,the dude never returned.  I guess he’d gone home to his wife since he had one of those cheap gold rings from Nagin Patel that Kenyan men love to show off saying “I’m a married man.” We’d exchanged phone numbers and all my calls went unanswered by that Safaricom lady. Doesn’t she get tired of saying,”samahani mteja wa nambari uliyopiga hapatikani kwa sasa. ”  I stayed on wondering what to do after an hour passed. So I decided to sleep in that room since it was getting late and report to work from there the following day.I also had  breakfast which was inclusive of the one thousand bob paid the previous night.  

The next morning he called to apologize and gave some lame excuse about how sijui alipotoka nje kulikuwa na operation(police crackdown) so he couldn’t come back.I’d later bump into him at his clothes stall near Jamia Mall. We exchanged niceties and that was the end of our “interaction” to date.

I know some of you are busy “judging me” saying how am such an easy target. What I didn’t tell you is that this man was fairly handsome and very well groomed. He smelled of an expensive cologne and a gold chain hang around his neck. His gold coated eyes glasses matched with his light skin complexion. His clothes were not second hand. Let’s not talk about his crocodile leather shoes.To cap it all he had such a killer smile showing his perfectly arranged white teeth. A very decent man per se. He also had a fat wallet. I peeped when he was making the payments and saw several one thousand kenya shillings neatly arranged in there. That is why I followed him. I was thrilled that someone of that caliber could have the guts to stop me in the middle of the streets for a “quickie”.  A stranger for heaven’s sake.Well,that was one kind of an experience that will forever remain edged at the back of my mind. Wonders will never cease!

Let’s Stop Lying,”Size Matters”!

Jo3I’ve had sex  with men who have big as well as small dicks. A big ding dong is good👌 especially when you’re riding it. The feeling is heavenly. The worst position to deal with it though is doggy style or missionary( kufa mende). My friend,utatoka hapo ukishuta na mwashawasho wa ajabu. When I talk of big 🍌 ding  dong,to me it is anything above nine inches. Small ding dongs (less than five inches ) leave you craving for more. You don’t feel like you had sex. It just feels like someone scratched your back. 😀 That’s my own opinion though.I do not  know about you out there. The first time I encountered a big ding  dong, I freaked out. To me those kind of men were to be found only in pornographic movies. They never existed in real life.

I met Tim* who is is a taxi driver in Nairobi through a mutual friend about eight years ago. We were late to get to a “gay party” that was going down at Tamasha Club in Hurlingham. My friend suggested we take a cab. That’s how he ended up calling him since they were known to each other. Apparently, what we didn’t know at that time is that he was the “unofficial designate cab driver” to the party! 😀 I sat at the co-driver’s seat while my friend Kuria* took the back seat. I came to later learn that it was a plan they’d hatched. Tim* was all over my thighs fondling and touching me on our way there. Eventually we got to the party and he went back to town to pick more customers. I think we exchanged phone numbers that is how we ended up meeting in my house a few days later.

I momentarily froze on my feet the minute Tim* stripped. Lo, and behold a big anaconda right before my eyes. 👁️👁️At the back of my mind I wondered,” will that thing really penetrate through my hole?”  😮  I bent down to give him a blow job which he was not keen on any way, but the thing wouldn’t even fill my mouth properly. So it was just a waste of time. I then spread my legs letting him slide into me gently.  But ” my God!,”he thrust in so fast and deep I could feel it in my stomach. 😀 Five minutes him fucking me and I couldn’t take it anymore so I pulled out. Of course with a small tussle because he didn’t want to let go. I vividly recall he never ejaculated. Something that really frustrated him. He was just so pissed.I mean I could tell from the look on his face. Actually, he never talked to me afterwards until much later when he bumped into me at one of the places where I worked.I would later go on and have sex with more men who are more endowed but this time never freaked out.I did some research online on  how to handle big anacondas. Since then my experience has been awesome. 🙂

On the other hand,I have encountered so many men with average(small) dick size. To be honest, I always end up feeling bummed. This is because tiny wee wees do not get to reach the G-Spot. Huh! 😮 What do you mean? Do men have a G-Spot? Yes,we do honey. If you are a bottom you know what I am talking about. There is somewhere if you get to have a good anal fuck,it takes you to another whole new world.Noteworthy too,men who have small dicks tend to cum quickly according to my own observation. Yet some of us do not get satisfied with a three or five minute fuck. We want to get laid properly such that by the time you are done,you do not want to have any more craving for sex. By the way,I am not hating on men with small “tooth pick” kind of tools. Its just that, it doesn’t work for me.

Bottom line,we all have varied likes,preferences and taste in regards to the kind of men we are attracted to. Let’s stop with the pretense and lies though,that “size does not matter”. As for me and my nunu, gimme a big ding dong anytime.

The Affliction of Being HIV Positive!

love hd wallpapers (72)The things that “being HIV Positive” has robbed me off, only I know. Top on the list of my “Losses” as a result is “Not Finding Love”. Funny that I am talking about love on Valentines day. 🤣🤣🤣 I met this guy some years back through the internet to be precise Facebook. We had very,very,very long chats prior to us meeting. Isn’t that the in thing nowadays? 😉  It felt like we knew each other for ages. We had built mutual trust online with time. Every other minute we were all over each others inbox typing away. We would later exchange phone numbers and the texts on Whatsapp and calls sometimes way into the night never seemed to end. We were love struck. Only that I never told him I was HIV Positive. I was afraid of the outcome. What would his reaction be? Would he love me even so?

So,we had sex on our first date in his apartment soon after our dinner date at the Java Restaurant,off Koinange street in Nairobi CBD. He was so kind and sweet. A gentleman for crying out loud. He kept on texting and calling telling me sweet nothings thereafter and I was sure “a happily ever after”  was foreseeable.Two days later, the guilt of not disclosing was consuming me up. So I mustered some courage and told him.” Why didn’t you tell me before we had sex?”, he muttered angrily over the phone as he hang up.Despite the fact that we used condoms. He felt betrayed, used and was so hurt. And that was the last time I ever heard from him. I swear being HIV Positive sucks!

Why am I telling you this. I have been secretly stalking him ever since that incident. He moved on.I know he has had a boyfriend whom he dots on for a while now. I can’t help but think,”awwwww…….that could have been me right there.” 😍😍😍 It is not just him that has “rejected” me due to the fact that I am sero-positive. I stopped counting the number of men who have said “No” to being lovers because of this. My hopes of ever finding the one were dashed long ago. Hence I found consolation in accepting this is “my fate” for as long as I breath. Its never gonna happen and I’ve made peace with that.

The million dollar question that has since lingered on in my mind after this incidence is; Why do people who are HIV Negative fear getting into an intimate relationship with someone who is HIV Positive?I mean, I have met men who just want to be “just friends” after disclosure yet I wanted something more than that. This is why. People are simply “AFRAID”.

Afraid of contracting the Virus from you. Afraid of having to be on medication that has sides effects for the rest of their lives. Afraid that they might never get to enjoy sex because they have to use condoms. Afraid that they may never live up to see their dreams come to fruition because HIV reduces your life expectancy. Afraid of “what will people say?” in case they ever get to know. Afraid that it will have an impact maybe in their social circles and other circles. There is also “fear of the unknown” on would be suitors if you are HIV Positive. People are just “fearful”. HIV has reduced us we who have contracted it to being “less human”. We are a lot that should be empathized and sympathized with.We ought to be dreaded pitiable beings. That is the damn sad truth about being a carrier of the virus.

The other question is,should you tell or not tell someone of your HIV Positive Status before hand especially if you’re into them?

My answer: It is a very complicated and delicate situation that you can ever find yourself in. You don’t know what to expect if you tell beforehand. As earlier alluded to,the number one thing that might happen to you is “being rejected” like I have so many times. Or be ostracized and stigmatized as a result. So for me,I chose the “DADT” way. If you ask, I’ll tell you the truth. If you don’t ask, I won’t tell you. This is after accessing the other persons capacity to deal with such an issue by broaching the subject matter in a cunning and witty way. I am also such a keen listener on what the other person has to say about we who are positive. It is “a way of  filtering” information so at to be in a position to make the right decision.  Other times I have deliberately gone the whole hog. If you find out later maybe after we have had sex,its up to you to decide whether we can be friends or lovers or nothing.However, I try as much as possible to have protected sex even though I’m on ARVs. Why? I am also ” Afraid of reinfection”.

Ps: I am the boyfriend you will never have.